Stop Arguing, Start Healing: Try a Heart Talk
Okay babe, real talk time.
You ever feel like you’re saying the same thing over and over again in your relationship—and still not getting heard? Or maybe every convo turns into an argument, and you’re like, “HOW did we end up here… again?”
Been there. A million times. That’s exactly why I want to introduce you to something that literally changed the game for me and my husband: Heart Talks.
This is not communication 101. This is sacred, soul-baring, truth-telling magic.
What Are Heart Talks?
They’re the opposite of blame. The antidote to bottling it up. A Heart Talk is when you speak the truth—not the filtered version, not the angry one, not the one where you twist yourself into a pretzel to sound “reasonable.”
You speak from the deepest part of you. The scared part. The raw part. The real, beating-heart part.
And the best part? Your partner doesn’t interrupt. They don’t defend. They just listen.
Why Communication Breaks Down in Relationships
Let’s be honest—most of us were never taught how to do this.
We were taught to argue, defend, or stuff it down. To keep the peace or win the fight. That’s not communication. That’s survival.
When we’re triggered, we go into shame cycles and protective patterns. These cycles can sabotage intimacy and connection, but there are ways to break free. (Check out The Relationship Cycle of Shame and Fear, and How to Fix It!” by Imago Relationships to understand the cycle of shame and fear in relationships, Imago Relationships Blog.)
We become triggered, and suddenly, the person we love feels like the enemy.
Heart Talks break that cycle.
They create emotional safety, so we can speak from pain without weaponizing it. They help us listen without turning the moment into a courtroom drama.
How to Start a Heart Talk (Without Freaking Out)
Here’s how we do it, Daegan-style:
Set the scene. Find a quiet moment where you’re not mid-fight or in meltdown mode. Light a candle. Breathe.
Pray or ground. I always invite God into the room first. This isn’t just about words—it’s sacred.
Speak from your heart. Use phrases like: “What I’m feeling underneath all this is…” or “What I need you to know is…”
No interruptions. This is key. The listener holds space. You can switch roles afterward.
End with love. After both have spoken, hold hands. Breathe. Let it sink in.
If you’re not sure how to begin, don’t stress. I offer 1-on-1 coaching sessions where we walk through Heart Talks together. Your first session is totally free.
What Happened When I Tried It
There was a night where James and I were barely speaking. Tension so thick you could slice it.
I didn’t want to “be the bigger person.” I didn’t want to talk at all. But I asked if he’d do a Heart Talk.
I went first. I spoke from the deepest place—not about what he did, but how I felt. The ache. The loneliness. The fear I was carrying.
He listened. No eye-rolls. No defenses. Just presence.
And when he shared his truth? I heard his pain too.
It broke something open between us. Not in a falling apart way—but in a falling together way.
The Power of a Heart Talk
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Your relationship doesn’t need more problem-solving.
It needs more truth-telling.
Your heart doesn’t heal in silence.
It heals in sacred expression.
Heart Talks help you clear emotional weight that’s been stuck for years. They shift the whole dynamic.
If you want to go even deeper, come join me at our next healing couples retreat. We practice Heart Talks in real time—and let me tell you, the breakthroughs are wild.
Final Words from Coach D
Listen, you don’t have to be perfect to have a powerful conversation.
You just have to be honest.
Let your heart lead. Let God hold the space. Let truth make you whole again.
Ready to try it? You’ve got this.
Love louder,
Coach Daegan 💛
