teaming up
Skills
Vulnerability
The Secret Weapon in Marriage
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Let me confess something: for years, I thought being strong meant never showing weakness. I could debate, defend, distract—you name it. But what I couldn’t do was open up and let James see the real me when I was hurting.
And that disconnection? It slowly chipped away at our intimacy.
It wasn’t until I learned the skill of vulnerability—raw, humble, heart-baring truth—that things shifted. It didn’t happen overnight. But when it did? Everything changed.
Take off the Armor
What Vulnerability Really Means (And What It’s Not)
Vulnerability is not about oversharing. It’s not weakness. It’s not drama.
It’s saying: “Here’s my truth. Will you love me anyway?”
It’s courage in its purest form.
And what keeps us from being vulnerable? Usually fear. The fear of being judged, rejected, misunderstood. So instead, we suit up with defenses: sarcasm, withdrawal, over-functioning.
But love doesn’t thrive in armor. It thrives in honesty.
Why Vulnerability Changes the Game
Vulnerability isn’t just healing for you. It’s healing for your relationship.
When you lead with it, you create space for your partner to soften too. The wall between you? It starts to crumble.
Example:
Wife: “I’m not angry. I’m scared. When we don’t talk, I feel invisible.”
Husband: “I didn’t know. I thought you needed space. I pulled back to not make it worse.”
That’s the moment when hearts reconnect.
Let's Practice
How to Practice Vulnerability (Even If You’re Shaking)
Start small. Try these phrases in a calm moment:
“The story I’m telling myself is…”
“I feel really exposed saying this, but…”
“I want to let you in, but I’m afraid of what you’ll think…”
And before you say them to your partner? Say them to God. Let the Creator witness you first. That’s your ultimate safe space.
Real-Life Example:
What Happened When I Dropped My Armor
One night, I sat across from James, hands shaking, voice cracking. I told him the truth:
“I’ve been acting like I don’t care. But I do. I care so much it hurts. I just didn’t know how to let you see that.”
He didn’t fix it. He didn’t run. He just took my hands and said, “Thank you.”
That night, the wall cracked—and our hearts leaned in.
Let's Love Eachother Better
Want Help Becoming More Vulnerable?
This is one of the most powerful practices we work on in 1-on-1 coaching and at our healing couples retreats.
You don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to go first without support.
I’ve got you.
Frequently Asked Questions
About Vulnerability in Marriage
What if I’m vulnerable and my partner shuts down?
Try again in a different moment. Or invite a counselor or coach in. You deserve to be met.
How do I stop myself from turning vulnerable moments into a meltdown?
Practice grounding first. Breathe. Then speak slowly and from your heart—not from your history.
Isn’t it risky to let someone see that much of me?
Yes. But it’s also the only path to true intimacy.
Can vulnerability help heal betrayal?
Yes—but it requires mutual willingness. It’s not one-sided. We do this gently, together, in retreat work.
