teaming up
Skills
Receive Without Guilt
Shame, or Resistance
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How many times have you said “I’m fine” in the last 24 hours? (Be honest. If it’s more than three, we need to talk.)
I used to be the queen of “I’m fine.”
Gifts? I didn’t need them. Compliments? I’d deflect or downgrade them. Help? I’d find a way to do it all myself—even if I was drowning.
Why? Because somewhere along the way, I got the message that receiving made me needy, weak, or selfish. That I was too much if I wanted more.
Sound familiar?
Let’s flip the script. Because receiving—fully, freely, and without apology—is one of the most intimate, powerful things you can do in a relationship.
Love is both giving and receiving
Why Receiving Feels So Hard
Guilt and shame sneak in when we don’t feel worthy.
We think:
“If I receive too much, I’m a burden.”
“They’ll think I’m selfish.”
“I should be the one giving.”
The truth? Love requires both giving and receiving.
It’s not just about physical gifts—it’s about compliments, affection, spiritual support, or even someone just holding space.
According to The Gottman Institute, learning to receive is critical for relational intimacy. It says, “Accepting your partner’s love builds a foundation of trust and safety.”
It sometimes means more to the giver than the receiver.
The Cost of Rejecting Love
When you reject someone’s love—whether it’s a compliment, a back rub, or an act of service—you aren’t just protecting yourself. You’re also unintentionally pushing them away.
Deflecting can sound like:
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Oh stop, I look awful.”
“No thanks, I’ve got it.”
You stay in control, but you also stay disconnected.
Love needs somewhere to land.
Start Here
(Even if it’s awkward!)
Say “thank you”—and nothing else. No deflecting. No disclaiming.
Let them carry the groceries. Or open the door. Or make you dinner.
Breathe and notice. Where do you feel resistance? Can you soften?
Spiritually? Sit in God’s presence and just let yourself be loved. No proving. No earning. Just receiving.
Real-Life Moment:
“You’re So Beautiful”—and I Almost Missed It
One night, James looked me dead in the eyes and said, “You’re so beautiful.”
I almost said, “Ugh, stop. I’m a mess.” But I paused. Breathed. And instead said…
“Thank you.”
He lit up. I softened. And a moment that could’ve passed us by became sacred.
Let's Love Eachother Better
Why Receiving Builds Connection
Receiving isn’t weakness—it’s allowing.
It’s choosing to believe that love is meant for you.
And it tells your partner: “You matter. What you give matters. I receive you.”
When you can do that, walls drop. Hearts open. Love flows.
Need Help Letting Love In?
You don’t have to do it alone. I offer 1-on-1 coaching sessions to help you practice receiving in real time. Or join us at a healing couples retreat—where vulnerability becomes strength and connection comes alive.
FAQ
What if I feel selfish receiving?
It’s not selfish. It’s sacred. You were never meant to give endlessly and receive nothing.
Can receiving be spiritual?
Absolutely. Letting God love you without earning it is the heart of the Gospel. Receiving is holy.
How do I stop deflecting compliments?
Just say “thank you.” Practice it like a muscle. The more you let it land, the easier it gets.
What if my partner is bad at giving?
Teach them by example. Celebrate even small acts. Show them how much it means when you receive well.
What if I only know how to feel useful when I’m giving?
Then receiving will feel unfamiliar—but powerful. You’re allowed to feel loved just by being.
Isn’t it safer to stay self-sufficient?
Safe? Maybe. But love isn’t about safety. It’s about intimacy. And intimacy requires allowing others in.
