teaming up
Skills
Win-Win Collaboration
How to Fight Fair and Love Harder
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Let me guess—you’ve had one of those fights that starts over the thermostat and ends with you both threatening to live on different continents?
Yep. I’ve had those too. And the problem wasn’t the thermostat. It was the power struggle underneath it.
What changed the game for us wasn’t better arguments—it was learning how to collaborate. That’s where Win-Win Collaboration (or what we call Work Talk) came in.
This isn’t about giving in. It’s about teaming up with love.
Solve Problems Together
What Is Win-Win Collaboration?
Win-Win Collaboration is a structured, spiritually guided way to solve problems together—without leaving one person feeling dismissed, exhausted, or invisible.
Unlike compromise (where someone always loses a little), this is about both partners feeling seen, safe, and satisfied.
Think of it as God-centered brainstorming for your relationship.
Why Couples Keep Hitting the Same Wall
Because when we don’t have a shared process, we fall into power struggles. We either go into control mode—or collapse into people-pleasing. Unspoken resentment? It builds. One-sided decisions? They breed disconnection. According to The Gottman Institute, most recurring arguments in relationships are solvable—but only when couples feel emotionally safe. That’s where Win-Win Collaboration comes in.Let's Begin
How to Have a Win-Win Work Talk
Ready to try it? Here’s the step-by-step Coach Daegan way:
Start with prayer or intention. Invite God in. Breathe.
Each person shares. Name what you need, not what’s wrong.
Clarify the shared goal. Connection, peace, joy. Let that lead.
Explore together. Brainstorm creative options. No judgments.
Decide on something that honors both. If one of you feels dismissed, it’s not win-win yet.
Want help practicing? Book a free 1-on-1 coaching session with me. We’ll walk through your first Work Talk together.
Real-Life Example:
Sex Schedules & Emotional Needs
One couple we worked with had totally different needs for intimacy. She wanted connection. He wanted more frequency.
Instead of arguing about who’s “right,” they used Win-Win Collaboration to explore both needs.
Here’s how that sounded in a real conversation:
Wife: “When we’re disconnected emotionally, I feel like I’m just a body to you. I need to feel close, safe, and seen to want physical intimacy.”
Husband: “I hear that. And for me, physical intimacy helps me feel close. I’m not trying to pressure you—I just miss being close to you, and sometimes I don’t know how else to feel connected.”
Wife: “So what if we plan connection time first—emotional check-ins, cuddling—before we decide about sex? That way I don’t feel cornered, and you still get to feel wanted.”
Husband: “Yeah. I’d love that. And maybe we can agree on a rhythm that makes sense for both of us—something we revisit, not something set in stone.”
The solution? A rhythm that honored both—plus emotional check-ins that reignited their connection.
It wasn’t perfect. But it was peaceful. And healing.
Let's Love Eachother Better
Why This Skill Transforms Everything
Because it creates trust. Because it prevents resentment. Because it teaches you how to be on the same team again.
It’s not about “who’s right.” It’s about “how do we love each other better right now?”
This is the skill we teach at every healing couples retreat. And I can tell you—watching couples go from stuck to sacred teamwork? It’s miraculous.
FAQs About Win-Win Collaboration
Most frequent questions and answers
What if we can’t agree on what win-win means?
Start by naming the shared value. Connection? Peace? Healing? Let that be your anchor.
Can this work with deep resentment or past betrayal?
Yes, but it helps to have support. I walk couples through this gently in private coaching and at retreats.
Is this faith-based?
We invite God into every conversation. But whether you’re spiritual or just soulful, the heart of this practice is universal.
How is this different from compromising?
Compromising feels like giving something up. Win-win feels like creating something better—together.
Does this mean I can never say no?
Not at all. In a true win-win, no is sacred. It helps shape the yes that works for both.
